Are You a Good Villager?

Picture suggestion courtesy of my 11-year-old

Written by: Marshai R

6 November 2025

I've lived in San Diego as a transplant for nearly twenty years. During this time, I've formed and gradually lost touch with several friendships. I've never experienced a dramatic falling out; instead, relationships simply faded away over time. Like many families at this stage of life, mine has become a self-contained unit with minimal connections to others. However, in our current phase of global reset, building a village is essential.

But first, are you worthy of a village? 

Are you a good villager?

Work, children, and marriage among other things have kept me from been a good villager, or did it? During a quick audit on my life, I've had five (5) minutes to send a quick "Thinking of You" text.  So, I will be brutally honest with myself.  Those life pillars were excuses.   Admittedly, I have not been a good villager.

It's important to note that I do not believe in self-sacrifice. However, in the next act of my life, I am committed to becoming a good... better villager. I've been on this journey for a few months. I am far from an expert, especially given my natural tendency to be reclusive. Nonetheless, I offer the following in the hope that you will share other tips so we can all grow together: 

Smile.

In the drudgery of the day, I understand a quick run to the grocery store doesn't warrant a smiling demeanor.    However, if our eyes meet, please flash a smile and I will offer one back.  This small act can start the dance to an introduction.

Be Nice… (Kind has its place.)

I have been around many beautiful and kind women.  However, if given a list of words to describe the women in my family, kind will be in the top (5) but nice is way further down the line.   They will cook you a meal when you are sick, take you to the airport for a 6 am flight, watch your children so you can go on a date, etc.  However, they will not give false praise, walk around with an unwarranted smile or send out Christmas cards every year.  

In an act of contradiction and at risk of asking you to be fake, I am going to challenge you to be nice to grow the village.  I will take up this challenge, too.  Be it as it may, we have to be nice to each other, so kindness can be introduced. 

Go 3D:

Challenge yourself to meet at least one person per month in person.  This could be a small hike, a coffee date or any small commitment activity.  The goal is to foster real-life connections.  Guess what?  I met my quota this month and it was fun.  I realized how much I really missed my friend.  I may increase my challenge quota.    

I tried to keep these tips very low touch for those like me trying to venture out the proverbial cave.   When your soul tells you to retreat back, remember building a village is a priority and you must be a good villager.

See you out there.